Tedious as online dating can be, I guarantee you’ll find some hidden gems if you know where to look. One of my matchmaking clients met an Investment Banker on Match. Although they have mutual friends and even live in the same affluent neighbourhood, somehow they never met.
Head online with an open mind, and you may discover great singles in unsuspecting places. It happened to her, and it can happen to you, too.
I realize you can spend hours online and find no appealing men—or none that respond. I have male clients whose inboxes are filled daily with messages from great women like you. It’s hard to stand out.
Sure, you can reach out. But to increase your chances in general, you need to also look at the guys not everyone else is vying for. Many of my clients have found unexpected chemistry in these less obvious places:
No photos: Some of the best guys do not post photos. Sure, some guys with no photos are married or not serious. But others hold high-profile positions and don’t feel comfortable opening themselves up to public scrutiny. If his profile fits your criteria, reach out anyway. Start a conversation, and once a basic rapport is built, ask him to send photos to your personal (exclusively for online dating) email address. You may be pleasantly surprised. And remember to never meet anyone before seeing a minimum of two photos.
No salary or low salary combined with high education: Men are on the lookout for gold diggers and are wary of women who are not financially stable. I hear it all the time. They still feel the economic sting from their divorce and are reluctant to risk another hit. So it’s not unheard of for men not to post their salaries, or to intentionally post low salaries. That said, most men will be upfront about their education. A Graduate degree on a $50K salary does not add up. These men are worth considering.
No education or low education with high salary: Think Steve Jobs, Richard Branson (who did not even finish high school), Anna Wintour… Lacking a post-secondary education does not mean someone is not intellectual or successful. High school education and $150K salary, travels the world and quoting Nietzsche? Have a look.
Keywords: Be willing to go outside your box by all means, but search for ‘keywords’ that mean a lot to you, such as ‘ballroom dancing’, ‘golf’, ‘opera’ or ‘pickleball’. Anything you love to do. If you can find someone who shares your passion or interest, you may find it is worth relenting on the stuff that is less important in the long run.
A client from Vancouver met a man living 45 minutes (on a good traffic day) outside of the city. Both were into geocaching. Five years later, they are happily married, living together in Vancouver, and building their dream house on the coast. They have geocached together in six countries and counting…
Don’t be ‘height-ist’. Almost all of my clients are picky about height. Many want a guy over 6’. I read somewhere that only 17% of men are 6’ or taller. How many of them are single, have all the other qualities you are looking for, and are interested in you? Don’t limit yourself based on something as trivial as his height. If you are willing to date a shorter) man, you will open yourself up to more possibilities since most women pass over some great men!
Here’s an email from a client who insisted on dating a tall man:
“George was kind of nerdy looking and about 5’8 (his profile said 6’1) but he so much fun, and we had so much in common. We had a great time. A perfect gentleman and was so generous at dinner. He asked if he could see me again and I said yes….I want to get to know him better too. He is so interesting and active like me.”
Though they did not end up together, they dated for months and she had a ball. Imagine what she would have missed out on, had he posted his actual height!
Be open to relationship status: While Separated or Never Married may seem like a red flag, just ask. Everyone has a story, and it’s worth hearing. Often the reasons are perfectly valid when I (delicately) inquire on behalf of my clients. Take this response, for example: “Long marriage. Separated over three years. Closure by year end. Delay due to tax/financial mainly… I’m in a really good place literally and figuratively. Back on the UES and loving it. Dating but truly want that special woman to stop me in my tracks. So to speak.”
With that explanation, my client went ahead and planned a date. Had I not reached out, he would have been overlooked, which would have been a shame.
Put in some effort and keep an open mind. Love isn’t something that only happens to other people. Give it a shot and and it’s likely to happen to you, too!