Your life is exactly as you want it. Well, almost. Great job — check. Enduring friendships — got ’em. Healthy family life — yup. Steady exercise routine — uh huh. Nice house — yes. Travel to exotic places — as often as possible. An awesome partner — not exactly.
You have found success in every area of your life except for love. What gives?
Finding love is one of the few things in life you can’t control. Hard work pays off everywhere, but it seems like dumb luck rules when it comes to meeting the right man.
Within a week of joining the dating site Our Time, a Toronto-based client in her 60s connected with someone she knew but would never have dared ask out. It took Laura in Montreal six months and four dates to meet someone of interest, and after almost a year Deirdre in Manhattan is still searching.
“Success is when opportunity meets preparation.” It might happen right away and it might not, but you can increase the odds of finding love if you are prepared to do so.
So get ready to meet someone by doing the groundwork.
When it comes right down to it, dating is all about timing, numbers, and luck. And funny how when you’re in good shape with the first two, the luckier you get 😉
Timing: I turn away clients who are not ready to date. You don’t want to meet the right guy at the wrong time. Before embarking on your dating journey, be sure that you are really open to a relationship. When is this right time? You’ll know. If you feel even the faintest urge to talk to a date about your ex, then you’re not there yet.
Numbers: The more men you meet, the more likely you will find the one! Don’t rule someone out because his photos aren’t flattering or he’s a year over your maximum age range. Meet him anyway. Everyone presents better in person, and you just never know. Last week one of my clients opted to meet a guy we both suspected looked “a bit too geeky.” We weren’t sure about his profession but because he ticked other boxes, she agreed to meet him anyway. Two hours gabbing over coffee later, they have a second date planned for this Friday. And she’s excited. Here’s an email she sent after they met:
“He is cheerful and animated and this mitigates his mediocre looks. He is an inch shorter than me. But… I enjoyed the conversation very much. He is thoughtful, and there is a nice give and take. He is clearly very smart and made me feel smart, which I like. We have similar backgrounds… and…get this…we are part of the same synagogue, so that makes him feel more familiar.”
Even if he’s not your type, after a pleasant conversation he may realize he has a friend who is perfect for you. A never-married 60-year-old man had his heart set on having a baby. After a cordial date with one of my clients who was not right for him, he asked if she had a friend he may connect with. She did indeed — and I later attended both their wedding and baby shower (twins!).
Luck: Luck is luck, and you never know when it’s going to rear its wonderful head. A 45-year-old investment banker in Toronto and a 60ish architect in NYC are both dating the first guy they met on Match. By putting yourself out there and being in the right places, you CAN set yourself up for luck.
So while love is something you cannot control like the other parts of your life, you can certainly move things in the right direction by making a commitment to the process and being willing to go out on actual dates. What chance does love and luck have if you aren’t in the game in the first place?